Ol’ Uncle Joe isn’t too familiar with the interwebs, it seems.
This usually isn’t a problem for America.
Sure, I imagine the White House IT workers probably have their hands full with President Biden, but that’s their problem; if worst comes to worst, they can give him an old Commodore 64 and tell him it’s a super-duper secret computer only he can use, then let him putter around on it until he gets bored and/or falls asleep. Or maybe give him one of son Hunter’s old laptops. Those don’t even work anymore.
On Monday, alas, it became our problem. That’s because Biden was appearing at the White House — along with Secretary of Education Miguel Cardona — to announce the beta version of the student loan forgiveness web portal was going online.
Not that Biden really knows what a beta test or a web portal are. But speechwriters do — and, according to a White House transcript, they were at least able to provide him with enough meat through the teleprompter that he could get through most of it without sounding like grandpa trying to log into his AOL dial-up account.
“At the end of my remarks, I’m going to officially launch this new ap- — new application site at StudentAid.gov. StudentAid.gov,” Biden said.
“You’ll be able to fill out your name, Social Security number, date of birth, and contact information. No forms to upload. No special log-in to remember. It’s available in English and in Spanish, on desktop and mobile.”
So easy even a Biden can do it.
However, things got a bit hairy when he warned people about fraudsters who might try to take advantage of borrowers.
“If you get a call pretending they’re from the government trying to help you with your loans, let’s be clear: Hang up,” he said. “You never have to pay for any federal help from the Student Loan Program.”
If you do get those calls, Biden told Americans to go to a website to report them: ReportFraudDOTFTC.gov.
The website he sent them to, of course, doesn’t exist.
The country’s commander-in-chief — the man responsible for hardening America against cyberattacks and setting its tech policy — didn’t know better than to read the word “dot” phonetically, as if it were part of the web address.
Confidence-inspiring.
But no, the Biden stans weren’t giving up on this one, although they couldn’t use the old “childhood stutter” standby excuse.
“Dot is probably department of transportation since ftc followed dot,” one Twitter user suggested.
Dot is probably department of transportation since ftc followed dot
— Rent Free (@reversealgorith) October 17, 2022
Alas, not so much:
— Bryan Ptak (@BryanPtak) October 17, 2022
Not that this was the only odd moment during the president’s remarks, of course. No one tells a Biden when he’s done gaffing — and the president doesn’t even need to say a word for things to get awkward.
At the end of his remarks, Biden was asked by a reporter whether the administration would be forgiving private student loans as well as federal ones, which are the only type of loan covered under the current relief package.
Whoever asked the question seems to have hit the pause button on Biden, who did a Marcel Marceau act while Cardona answered for him:
Why does it look like someone hit the pause button on Biden?
— Benny Johnson (@bennyjohnson) October 17, 2022
Everything is totally fine with this man. Tip-top health, both physically and mentally. Sharp as a tack.
At least the White House transcribers were able, yet again, to fix Biden’s gaffe on the URL. “If you get any questionable calls, please tell us by going to ReportFraud — ReportFraud — d-o-t — FTC.gov. [ReportFraud.FTC.gov],” the official transcript reads.
As for the president’s disconcerting reboot moment at the end of the speech, looks like that’s another issue for the White House IT team. Those guys must be exhausted.
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